Dipti Udapure was considered an ideal wife. She was well-behaved and obedient, two important female traits in patriarchal India. As the daughter of a police officer, she was even allowed to get an education – a right still not given to many women in conservative parts of the country.
So when Dipti married a distant relative and settled in the city of Nagpur, she seemed destined for a happy life.
That soon changed though. Her in-laws began demanding she buy them a car, saying it was part of her dowry. Dipti had already paid her customary dowry as part of the wedding, but suddenly that was not enough.
She could not afford to buy a car so her in-laws harassed her repeatedly, insisting she pay them for the privilege of marrying their son. Her husband had become an alcoholic so he was of little help, and she didn’t dare speak out against her in-laws to anyone else.
The demands became so intense and hurtful that Dipti could not stand them anymore. So she walked up the stairs to the fourth floor of her apartment and jumped to her death. She left behind a nine-month-old daughter.
The circumstances of Dipti’s death are tragic yet surprisingly common in India. They are called dowry deaths and occur when the husband or in-laws of a newly married bride demand money or gifts in addition to the traditional dowry they receive. These demands can be so frequent and vicious that they drive the bride to suicide.
Other times, husbands and in-laws may go as far as murdering brides who do not comply.
According to India’s National Crime Bureau, there were more than 7600 dowry deaths in 2006 alone. That’s one every 77 minutes.
In the most extreme cases, women are doused with kerosene and set on fire in an attempt to make their death look like a kitchen accident. This gruesome tactic even has its own name: bride burning.
Yet as horrible as this may seem, far too many women in India are still second-class citizens with few rights, so there is little recourse for victims. Even though dowries have been illegal since 1961, barely a third of these deaths result in police action because authorities often turn a blind eye.
Brides often have no one to turn to when such demands begin. Once married, many are beholden to the will of their in-laws. And with few economic opportunities of their own in the country’s large rural and conservative areas, women are forced to become subservient. If they speak out, it will mean their financial and social ruin.
Dowry deaths have become so rampant that some community leaders are now calling for an end to lavish weddings, which they say encourage dowries.
The government has tried to curb these deaths as well by including “economic harassment” in the definition of domestic violence and by offering to protect brides who report their husbands and in-laws for demanding a dowry.
But these brutal incidences still occur every day. Regardless of what the law says, as long as women are seen as inferior, and as long as speaking out against these demands remains taboo, dowry deaths will continue.
So as we once again mark International Women’s Day, we must remember that the world has a long way to go before it can make any claim to gender equality. If the situation is going to change, the world must shed a light on such injustice and demand better.
The terrible reality is that India is not alone. As a global society we’ve never been more advanced and well-off than we are today, yet women in many countries still fall prey to systemic exploitation, discrimination, rape and even murder.
In fact, the UN says that one out of every three women around the globe has been abused, usually by someone she knows.
In a world where human rights, justice and equality have long been championed as cornerstones of humanity, this single statistic represents one of our greatest failures.
Back in India, it may be too late for Dipti Udapure, but her daughter is still just a toddler. She can grow up like her mother only to be seen as the property of another person, or she can grow up to find the opportunities she needs to make the most of her life.
It is up to all of us to decide.
